Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:8-10

There are many who are so obviously my neighbor—the misfortunate, the poor, the sick—that I am quick to love them, or at least to want to love them, meanwhile forgetting that this command has another imperative, which is to love each of them as myself. This is one of those occasions where I assume I understand something Jesus said and then don’t give it a second thought.

But it doesn’t mean “treat others the way you would want to be treated.” That’s much too simple when dealing in the subject of love, and Jesus already said it someplace else.

No, it means “treat others the way you treat yourself”. The difference is great. I would be grateful if someone gave me something to eat when I was hungry, so out of empathy I will give food to a food drive. But I will give of my excess, and I don’t have excess of my favorite foods. I will only ever have just enough or not enough of the things I like; I only have too much of what I don’t like.

But is it really loving in the same way as I love myself if I donate my canned beets and sauerkraut, which I hate? Or even that salsa that I bought two jars of because it was on sale, but didn’t end up liking very much? (Is it loving in the same way as I love myself if I carry McDonald’s gift certificates to give to homeless people if they ask for money, even though I myself wouldn’t eat at a McDonald’s?)

I had the opportunity to experience the other side of this the day I volunteered at Hope Ministries last year. They told us in advance that they wanted our group to bring ten cans of soup and ten bottles of water to hand out to the people in the homeless camps by the river—but then at lunchtime they surprised us by making us eat what we had brought instead of the food from the soup kitchen like we planned. I was very surprised as some of the people refused outright, choosing to go hungry rather than eat the food they had brought to donate because it wasn’t good enough.

But isn’t it better to give something than to give nothing? No. The food pantries of the world already have enough canned corn and Hormel chili. What’s important is that my heart is in the right place for service, and if I can’t give my best to the least—if I can’t love them in the same way as I love myself—then I shouldn’t give at all.