A few months ago, Iowa conducted its first same-sex marriage in accordance with the recent court decision passed. When seeing people’s mixed reactions, the thought occurred to me that Christians are often quick to point out what marriage is not. But what is it? What does the Bible say about it?

Many people have written entire books on the subject, so I don’t claim this to be exhaustive, but I hope it is at least complete.

The Institution of Marriage: What Is It?

• Marriage is a covenantal relationship designed to be permanent. (Malachi 2:14; Proverbs 2:17) The dissolution of the marriage covenant is equated with adultery by Jesus. (Matthew 5:32)
• Marriage is between a man and a woman. (Genesis 3:24)
• Marriage is a good thing, blessed by God. (Proverbs 18:22)
• Marriage is between Christians. We must not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
• Marriage is a picture, symbol, or type of the spiritual marriage between Jesus Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:23-32)

The Countenance of Marriage: What Does It Look Like?

• The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even to the point of sacrificing his own life for her. (Ephesians 5:25)
• The wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)
• The husband is the head (or leader) of the marriage. (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23) The wife is to submit to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22) This can only be understood within the context of self-sacrificial love, as mentioned above.
• The husband is to provide for his family. (1 Timothy 5:8)

The Bible has plenty to say about marriage, but it all culminates in explaining marriage (with all its regulations) as a symbol of something greater: the relationship between Christ and the church. This picture is what we must defend. Without it, nothing else is important; it doesn’t matter how well the engine runs if you’ve lost the car keys. If you are married, but you don’t see your marriage as a reflection of Jesus Christ, then we are not talking about the same thing. You are free to do as you like.

This is why it doesn’t bother me that same-sex marriage will probably be allowed everywhere within the next decade. Don’t misunderstand: I am not in any way saying I think same-sex marriage is a good thing, or that it should be praised. I believe it’s a distortion of God’s perfect plan for families—as are single-parent homes, abusive fathers, teen pregnancy, and abortion.

But God has not chosen to bring about His kingdom through legislature. He has chosen to bring it by the changing of hearts. (See Jeremiah 31:31-35.) If my hope was in the government to uphold God’s morality, I should have given up long before now.

This past week, I rediscovered a quote by C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, published in 1943:

Before leaving the question of divorce, I should like to distinguish two things which are very often confused. The Christian concept of marriage is one: the other is the quite different question—how far Christians, if they are voters or Members of Parliament, ought to try to force their views of marriage on the rest of the community by embodying them in the divorce laws. A great many people seem to think that if you are a Christian yourself you should try to make divorce difficult for everyone. I do not think that. At least I know I should be very angry if the Mohammedans tried to prevent the rest of us from drinking wine. My own view is that the Churches should frankly recognise that the majority of the British people are not Christians and, therefore, cannot be expected to live Christian lives. There ought to be two distinct kinds of marriage: one governed by the State with rules enforced on all citizens, the other governed by the Church with rules enforced by her on her own members.

Nothing ever changes, does it?